Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
