I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
