apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
