i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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