Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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