I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
