First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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