do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
