We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
did i walk over a car last night?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
