My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My day in three words: secret purse cake
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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