i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
