Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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