They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
