well I can't set my house on fire every night
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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