whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
farters have to be the big spoon...
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
