He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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