We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
