there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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