That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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