OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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