Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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