My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
