Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
