I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
