my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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