i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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