took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
We need to rekindle our bromance
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm just crazy horny about you
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
