You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
