At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
