put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
