Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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