some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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