so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
