can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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