so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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