We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
