I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
