I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
