OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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