i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
