I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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