ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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