I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
