why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
