he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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