Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
we're so committed to being not committed
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
