we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just gift wrapped bread.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
