Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
