Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
