A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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