you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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