Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Randomize
