I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
